STORIES AND JOKES

CHECK YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE

This is upsetting. Thought I should pass it along. Check your driver's
license...
Now you can see anyone's Driver's License on the Internet, including your
own!
I just searched for mine and there it was...picture and all!

Thanks Homeland Security! Privacy, where is our right to it?
I definitely removed mine, I suggest you all do the same.....
Go to the website and check it out..
Just enter your name, City and state to see if yours is on file.
After your license comes on the screen, click the box marked 'Please
Remove'.
This will remove it from public viewing, but not from law enforcement._
http://www.license.shorturl.com/

7 Reasons Not To Mess with Children





1. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.


The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.


The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.


Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.


The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".


The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"


The little girl replied, "Then you ask him ".



2. A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.


As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.


The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."


The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."


Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."





3. A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.


After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"


Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."



4. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.


She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"


Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."


The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"





5. The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.


"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'


A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."



6. A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."


"Yes," the class said.


"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"


A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."



7. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:


"Take only ONE. God is watching."


Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.


A child had written a note, "Take all you want... God is watching the apples.

Read
the following explanation before looking at the picture!





Most
Syrians struggle to even read Arabic, much less have a clue about reading English.



So, how do a group of
Syrian protest leaders create the most impact with their signs by having the
standard 'Death To Americans'(etc.) slogans printed in English?



Answer:
They
simply hire an English-speaking civilian to translate and write their statements
into English.



Unfortunately,
in this case, they were unaware that the 'civilian' insurance company
employee hired for the job was a retired US Army Sergeant! Obviously,
pictures of this protest rally never made their way to Arab TV networks, but
the results were PRICELESS!



This picture is not doctored.




IF I OFFEND ANYONE WITH THIS I WILL REMOVE THE POST

LOL


Subject: Rebuttal Joke




For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk
for
free." Here's an update for you:

Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize
it's
not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage.